To Love and be Loved
by InsanityRunsInMyBlood
Summary: After all, who doesn't want to be loved? A Pothena fic, featuring Athena and her thoughts, and a little bit of Poseidon at the end. Athena muses about her hate for Poseidon and realises that the line between love and hate is very thin.


**Oneshot Pothena fic. Angsty. Athena-centric.**

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Athena stared at the page in front of her, frustrated. She could not, for the first time in her immortal existence, concentrate on the rather fascinating book in front of her. Her eyes scanned over one line.

'Yet no matter how much wisdom wins, it will succumb to love when the right time comes.'

"Yet no matter how much wisdom wins, it will succumb to love when the right time comes." She read out loud, rather robotically. She mused quietly. As the goddess of wisdom herself, she thought back to the times she's been in love.

_In love? No, perhaps lust? _

She frowned. "Lust?" She murmured to herself. _No, it was not lust when I fell for Theseus._

Just thinking of his name brought back a flood of memories. It was like she was thrown back in time. She could see his features in her mind perfectly. He had crystal clear blue eyes, proud, handsome, chiseled, but soft features. Full lips almost always pulled back into a smile. Short black hair, always messy, and a face with crinkles around his eyes caused by laughing too much.

Quickly, she drew a sketch of Theseus, reaching out to take markers without looking. Upon examining it, she realised something that shocked her, stunned her so much that she screamed out loud, then eyed the door, hoping nobody heard her.

For who she drew was not Theseus. The handsome man on the page in front of her, dark hair inked with precision, had _sea-green eyes_, and long dark hair pulled into a ponytail at the back. This man wasn't the man she was thinking about a moment ago. This man was the man who was her rival, _is_ her rival, her bitterest rival, surpassing even Ares, her counterpart.

This man was _Poseidon_.

With a start, she realised that she didn't love Theseus for who he was, thus ending in her abandoning him. Intelligent eyes wide and disbelieving, she came to the conclusion—the _impossible_ conclusion, that she was in love with Poseidon. The time she had thought she was in love with Theseus, was, in fact, herself longing to be with Poseidon.

Theseus' father.

They looked so much alike that Athena had taken him for his father, yet not realising that it wasn't _him_ she was in love with, but someone who looked very much _like_ him.

"Stupid…" She cursed. With some panic, she scrunched up the piece of paper which held a very accurate drawing of Poseidon, and threw it across the room, where it bounced off the wall, and onto the floor. It lay there, mocking her. A sea-green eye peeked at her, crinkles at the corner drawn to perfection. She stood up, and slowly walked over again, cautiously picking the piece of paper up, as if afraid it was going to blow up at her like those mortal bombs, no, they call it…grenades? Yes, afraid it was going to explode like a grenade, one she made and threw.

Unfolding the paper, she placed it on the desk carefully. She couldn't explain her actions at the moment. She was too shocked.

Then she took a deep breath.

"Right." She said sternly, to herself. "There is no need to act like this. Think rationally, Athena." She scolded herself, releasing her breath in a huff.

_Okay, think. Why do you hate him in the first place?_

Eyebrows furrowed, she glared at the innocent piece of paper with the face of her rival on it.

"Athens." She said out loud. The contest for patronage over the city. The two had clashed time over time, arguing, shouting, proving to each other that they were better. Eventually, though, they came to an agreement in the form of a contest.

As written down in history, Athena won with the olive tree while Poseidon lost with his saltwater fountain.

With a sneaking, and growing suspicion, she grabbed a piece of paper. Picking up a pen, she made two columns, one labeled 'olive trees' and the other 'saltwater fountain'. Under the 'olive trees' column, she wrote a bullet pointed list:

_Can be used for food._

Chewing her pen, she thought long and hard. However, she was unable to come up with any more advantages, which alarmed her slightly. Scoffing, she turned to the column labeled 'saltwater fountain'. She wrote:

_Can be used for drinking water when salt is extracted._

_Extracted salt can be used for flavouring and other uses._

_Water can be used to wash clothes._

Indeed, she found that her suspicions were correct—a saltwater fountain is more useful than olive trees.

"But olive trees can be cut down for timber and used for shade." She said.

_What, so other trees can't?_

Sometimes Athena hated the analytical side of her. She was losing a battle against herself. Reassuring herself with the fact that the people chose the olive tree she made, she moved onto the next point.

In a tidy calligraphy, she wrote, with some force—he had sex with Medusa in my temple.

Now that was just unacceptable. Being a maiden goddess, her temples were sacred to virgins and should never be desecrated with something like Poseidon trying to have _sex_ in one of them. Of course, him being immortal and older than her, she could not do much to hurt him, but her vengeance was wrathful, but it was all directed at the girl who consented to this. Athena thought about Medusa's appearance before she became that horrid Gorgon. She was, Athena admitted, indeed beautiful, but what angered her was that she had grey eyes and black hair, just like Athena herself. In short, Poseidon has sex with a cheap copy of Athena in Athena's temple, and Athena found that to be highly insulting. Ergo, the girl was turned into a horrible monster with snakes replacing her luscious hair, and her beautiful grey eyes turned into a tool that can turn people into stone, so nobody again may ever appreciate the loveliness of the grey eyes which looked so much like Athena's own.

She sighed. Those are the main reasons that she hate Poseidon. _Well_, she grimaced,_ the reasons known to everyone and recorded, that is_. She won't even go to the minor details of their enmity.

_So why do you love him?_ The other part, the annoying part of her brain asked. She tried to ignore it.

_Come on, you know you love him. Why do you love him?_

No response.

_Why do you love him? Is it because of his amazing eyes that you find yourself getting lost in, or is it his beautiful smile which can brighten your day, and you find yourself trying your hardest to suppress one of your own?_

She gritted her teeth.

_Or is it his handsome face? Like those marble statues the mortals carve perfectly? Rippling muscles frozen in time, high cheekbones, curls framing the chiseled face?_

She shook her head, trying to rid herself of these thoughts.

_Yes…it is, isn't it? Admit it, Athena, he attracts you. His tanned skin, so flawless, and gem-like eyes which bear into your soul. A straight, proud nose, and full, pouty lips. A strong jaw that you could caress…a pair of rather elfin ears you could nip at? Or perhaps a broad chest to lie your head on when you're tired, a hand running down toned, defined abs, and strong arms wrapping themselves around you, a deep, masculine voice humming you to sleep…_

"SHUT UP!" She screamed, to no avail. There was a silence afterwards, her voice echoing slightly in the room. To her relief, nobody came, but hopelessness soon overcame her. She was stuck with herself, with her treacherous mind concocting wondrous images for her.

_Maybe, being a goddess of wisdom, you see past those shallow things._

Again, she falls for it. Curious, she thinks on.

_You see the true Poseidon underneath. After all, nobody knows him better than you, possibly not even himself. They say that rivals know each other the best. How true that statement is, Athena._

She paused, not quite understanding, or believing that.

_Think about it…he has managed to deal with his rash and easy to anger brothers, his insane wife, and manage 75% of the Earth's surface and the deep seas for over many millenia. He sacrificed his freedom and is seen as an adulterous god because of his bond to Amphitrite, but he did it to prevent Oceanus from declaring war on him, because if he marries her, then Oceanus will have to fight his daughter. Athena, he is a good man, and you must have realised that some point in the rivalry. There is a very thin line between love and hate, if you must know._

"I'm going crazy." Athena whispered, eyes unseeing. The anguish bubbled up from inside of her. Here she was, finally figuring her thoughts out, her feelings out, and she can do nothing about it. She screamed again, louder, more desperate, and pain-filled. A sound that scared herself, a sound that had a hint of insanity in it. This was too much. Yes, too much for the orderly Athena, the stoic goddess who thought she could take anything on. The goddess to defy Zeus, to stand up to Ares, to defend herself and her honor when threatened, to watch war with hardened eyes.

"Athena, will you stop shouting? Your screeching is even worse than Hera on a bad day." Poseidon opened the door with an annoyed expression, eyes clearly showing his irritation. Athena stood and hastily grabbed the drawing of him and held it in her fist, which tightened and whitened. He looked at her hand curiously.

"What is it you've got there?" He asked.

"Nothing." She said through clenched teeth. "Get out." She spat.

His annoyed expression was back.

"Whatever, birdbrain." He said, walking away. Watching him leave stabbed her through the heart. She debated quickly whether to call him back, but it was already too late as he turned a corner and quickly disappeared down the huge, empty halls of Olympus.

Athena exhaled, tears gathering at the corners of her eyes. She let the paper fall to the floor, wishing that it were actually a grenade so she wouldn't have to deal with the fact that she was in love with a man who hated her. Staggering to close to door, she slid down and sat on the floor, her back against the wood. She buried her head in her hands as she sobbed, the tortured sounds grating against her ears as she silently cursed the Moirai, cursed and hated herself for choosing to be a maiden goddess, for being so weak, and silently wishing that Poseidon would come back for her.

After all, which woman doesn't want to be loved?

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**Please R&R! :D**


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